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Of tulips and gutters....

Do you know what's boring? The status quo.

I used to be a crazy fun life-of-the-party kind of guy. Then I became a Grad assistant and starting working at a church and I flopped the other way. I have spent the last 6 months trying to figure out which of those personalities is really me--am I light hearted and care free? Or am I the deep relational guy who dresses up during the week?

Answer: yes.

I believe that God created me with a sense of humor to bring life to people's days and to be deeply relational so I can have conversations that allow me to connect with people in an intentional way. There doesn't have to be a separation of who I am--to pick a side and stick with it. I can be both parts. I need to be both parts. My lightly educated guess is that we all need to be both parts.

Why? You may ask? Because we all need a chance to dance in the rain. We all need a time to get kicked out of a mall. We all need to lighten up enough to laugh once a day and make someone laugh once a day. And yet we all need to be transparent with one another in order to go deep in our relationships.

I think this is what marriages are grounded on. During the dating process, the couple forms lots of common language or inside jokes; things that remind the couple of each other--things that no one else knows about. The couple has fun doing silly things that impress each other (i.e. "He has such a great sense of humor," "She has the most beautiful smile...") and they build lots of memories that are exclusive to themselves. Obviously they also are engaging in deep, meaningful conversations as their relationship progresses. They talk about merging bank accounts, in laws, and where to buy a house.

Then they get married. Where it once was all they could do to be a part each night, they now take for granted the fact that they share the same bed. They build memories and share them with facebook, or with friends at church rather than building inside language that is exclusive to themselves. They get caught up reminding each other of who's chore is who's and spend less time sprinkling mashed potato flakes in a friend's yard at night. The spark seems to fade under the guise of "learning what love really is."

Don't get me wrong, Love does change over time. Love is a multi-faceted thing that none of us will ever fully comprehend until we meet Jesus face to face. Love becomes more of a commitment and sacrifice word than a feeling, as time goes on. But Love needs to still be a feeling. It is important to love and to be in love.

Katie and I have pledged to each other to never stop being fun. No job is too serious to not take advantage of building a memory. And no memory is so grand that it needs to be shared with the world--sometimes it is important to keep some memories intentionally between the two of us, so that we have memories linked to items that specifically remind us of each other.

We still have deep conversations, and we still have fun.

And that, is how a marriage is designed to be.


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