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Squirrels Pt. 2

Today the sun is shining.
Today the roof is warm.
Today, the squirrels front door was located.

I heard some activity that sounded very different from leaves blowing across a rooftop. Very different from tree branches rattling. Very different than birds nesting. Very much, in fact, like squirrels--partying.

I popped my head out the bedroom window to try and catch a peep of their main entrance to the humble abode that they believe is theirs. No grand entrances or exits while I watched. "I am quite capable of producing either an entrance or an exit," says I. I got Katie and Isaiah to lean out of the window and keep a sharp eye on what I thought was the way the squirrels would make their getaway and I moved up onto the opposite side of the roof.

Upon cresting the rooftop I looked down to the far corner and saw 2 merry squirrels, chattering away about what a jolly time they were having and how good the tea is in January and what lovely crumpets Ms. Rogers makes. I proceeded to make my presence known to these lollygaggers by waving my arms and ranting about late bills, overuse of utilities, and general unkemptness. The two squatters then jumped into the gutter and disappeared from my sight.

That was when it hit me. I have gutter guards.

The squirrels have officially eaten through my aluminum gutter guards in order to make a secret entrance to their hidden batcave on the sunny side of the house! Other than leading me to some greater conclusions about how to evict these monsters, it also gives me some insight into the type of squirrels I am dealing with:
These are no ordinary squirrels. They are products of global warming, biodegradable materials, consumerism, and bionic Verizon smart phone ads. These are squirrels who eat machinery and jump from rooftop to rooftop. These are squirrels with stomaches lined with lead and poisoned with greed.

These are Squirrels v.2013


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